the indifferent saga

I was so glad when I got to indifferent. And then he got there as well. Hmmmmm. I'm taking guesses on how I feel. Smiles

The grass may be green here, but it looks greener on the other side.

Most of a lawyers work is drafting, not "the law".

In my first few weeks in the Firm, I did so much research that my friends coined a nickname for me- Lexreeta.... because I needed access to LEXISNEXIS so much, so often. In fact someone in the firm said I SUFFER from being able to find things, in the context of research, making me a go to person for research.

I remember days where I had to sit and research through lunch because a submission had to be sent in by 3p.m. And well, finding what the boss needed. I enjoyed it. I was hungry, but I enjoyed it.

However, for the past three or four weeks, I've been doing loads of drafting. And very little research. Yes, I've done some research, found some new things.... but nothing too exciting or recent. But I've been happy, doing the drafting.

Today, a person, who shall not be named, asked me to look into a point of law. And while I already knew the law in issue, I still decided to look it up to see if there had been any recent developments. While I was living up to my Lexreeta status, I was struck with a sudden yet enlightening realisation.

I realised how much I enjoyed research and looking at the law proper. And then it hit me, "maybe academia is your thing".

I decided that I needed to read in chambers to see whether I would like it. As of now, I do, I really like what I am doing, and I like what I could do a few years into practice, and I like even more what I could be doing once I become a litigator proper. But, I might like to teach even better. I say this now not because teaching has been my first dream, but because of the realisation that hit me today.

I am happy doing what I do in the litigation department. But I may be HAPPIER teaching.

But for now, I'm just glad that I'm happy.

Very few are blessed with happiness, praise to Waheguru that I’m blessed as such.

Life, Style and Lifestyle

I've been getting what seems, to me, to be too much sleep this past few days. 8 whole hours. Two nights ago, I felt that I was sleeping too much, getting lazy and that I wasn’t working enough (cause I wasn’t stressed, not that I did not have work to do even after I came home from the office.)

I guess it is progress that despite having loads, perhaps more, to do now as compared to a month ago, I manage to not be stressed out. Growth. Not forgetting that I’m much more centered after my Vaisakhi break. Though I keep on having thoughts about going to a beach and soaking up the sun. *drifts off*.

I’m back, and back to the main story. So, I felt like I was getting too much sleep. So, on Tuesday, I went to work and I took on an extra task which would take me at least four hours to complete, but just half an hour after I took on the 4 hour long task, I got more work from another partner, work which you don’t say no to. 

So, from having loads of work, I had too much work.

The new task was one which I was working on at the greatest speed I could manage and still I was in the office till 9. I got home, had a quick bite and shower and got started on the 4 hour long task. I stopped at 1 am. I didn’t finish. I finished the final hour worth of the work the next day.

So I wake up the next morning (Wednesday) and I felt like I just finished work and now I have to go back to work? I felt so pathetic that I insisted on doing something for me. So I turned on the TV and told myself that I’d watch TV for 15 minutes. Needless to say, there was nothing good on TV. Leaving me feeling pathetic and thoroughly unfulfilled.

I got ready and went to work. Not taking on any additional tasks, just doing what I had to do, which already is worth 10 good hours of concentrated work.

I work enough, I deserve the occasional week where I get a few days of good sleep.

All said and done, I still have not had a day where I feel like I need to run away and that this job is going to kill me. But on a brighter note, there have been moments where I do what I do, and I see what I could do with time, experience and being a litigator proper, and I think, I think I could be happy doing this. (This is usually quickly followed by me telling myself that : “that means no children”.)

.

.

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Oh well, let’s see!

Almost there!

Some time ago, I wrote about getting to indifferent.
I forgot I wrote that.
I saw what I wrote and was reminded of how I felt then, (and the phone call I got from my lovely cousin sister, massive love Phenji)

Today, I'm in a similar position.
Same subject matter.
All the material facts are the same.
Except..
I think I'm at Indifferent.
Or somewhere close, which is better.
Yellowstone park (fans would understand, only fans) or Sesame Street.

Just one end untied, to tie it up and move on.

Girls

I spent all day gawking at the new hot girl in my office today. I think I must have smiled at her....like 10 times.

Then, on my way home, I got off the lift cause there was a realllyyyyy hot girl on the wrong floor and I automatically got off, gawking again.

I might be going gay.

Hammers and Hearts

Have you ever been a situation when all you want to do is run over to someone, and just cuddle their worries away?

Tell them that such is the way of the heart.

Tell them it is ok. There will be someone else.

Someone better. Someone better than you.

And then they won’t talk to you.

Won’t let you help them…

Cause to them, you’re the cause of all the pain.